Thursday, July 24, 2008
Lack of internet makes Al a drunk boy
What a cluster f#$^ of a week so far. I'm finding myself with about 30 minutes worth of internet access a day and that doesn't leave much time for writing or playing. Hopefully that situation gets rectified in one big god damn hurry because it's driving me batshit crazy.
I have managed to take the time to reacquaint myself with the pleasurable feelings of getting fall-down drunk. I may be a semi-pro drunk but Friday's have become my kryptonite. Hot girl + good band + bottomless booze = very hairy drunken mess. The fact that gravity hasn't kicked in yet on one of these trips is just dumb ass luck. Things won't improve this Friday as Phil "The Man who saved Iggy" and his band invade the pub.
Thank god the Phillies play at noon today. I can get my drunk face on early and be home before the sun goes down, or I fall down.
~
I managed to catch Hellboy2 last evening. My recommendation, wait until it comes out on DVD. It was visually stunning but the storyline and characters seemed to be less important then Guillermo slamming his many creatures down your throat. But the drunken Barry Manilow scene almost makes it worth the price of admission.
Just my two cents.
~
Cheers to Dr. Pauly and his 5 year anniversary. The Borgata has set him up with a sweet ass package to celebrate for the big event. A $5,000 entry into the Borgata Poker Open Main Event plus a room for the weekend. Hope to see everyone there, it should be a great field.
Great deal and Pauly earned it. Congrats my friend.
~
Assuming every thing gets ironed out with my internet access, I'll be playing in the Riverchasers game this evening on FTP. If it doesn't work out, I'm already registered and will just donate my buyin.
Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour
When: Thursday, June 24th 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers
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I have managed to take the time to reacquaint myself with the pleasurable feelings of getting fall-down drunk. I may be a semi-pro drunk but Friday's have become my kryptonite. Hot girl + good band + bottomless booze = very hairy drunken mess. The fact that gravity hasn't kicked in yet on one of these trips is just dumb ass luck. Things won't improve this Friday as Phil "The Man who saved Iggy" and his band invade the pub.
Thank god the Phillies play at noon today. I can get my drunk face on early and be home before the sun goes down, or I fall down.
~
I managed to catch Hellboy2 last evening. My recommendation, wait until it comes out on DVD. It was visually stunning but the storyline and characters seemed to be less important then Guillermo slamming his many creatures down your throat. But the drunken Barry Manilow scene almost makes it worth the price of admission.
Just my two cents.
~
Cheers to Dr. Pauly and his 5 year anniversary. The Borgata has set him up with a sweet ass package to celebrate for the big event. A $5,000 entry into the Borgata Poker Open Main Event plus a room for the weekend. Hope to see everyone there, it should be a great field.
Great deal and Pauly earned it. Congrats my friend.
~
Assuming every thing gets ironed out with my internet access, I'll be playing in the Riverchasers game this evening on FTP. If it doesn't work out, I'm already registered and will just donate my buyin.
Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour
When: Thursday, June 24th 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers
Friday, July 18, 2008
Twitchy
I'm starting to get happy feet. I get this feeling every time I've been cooped up in one place for too long and I need to hop on a plane. I realize that I was just in Vegas two weeks ago but that never counts. It's probably from being stuck in the same seat with the same view for the last week. No pub, no Boat, no nothing.
In the middle of the day I find myself searching the travel sites, maybe a special deal will pop up that I just can't refuse. I've looked at flights to Oklahoma (AFTER the big weekend that I'm still cheesed I missed). I've checked rates to G-Vegas, California and even Amsterdam. I've considered finding a way to get to Texas to hang with the Fat Guy. Shiners on the Brazz, sounds like fun. Each time I get a new email/text from my Key West friend I'm halfway booked before I stop myself. It would be nice to relax with friends instead of staring out at the same old back ground.
With the Bash just two months away now, I know that's all just screwed up thinking. It would be completely irresponsible for me to pause everything in the middle of the planning for a little get-a-way.
But my friends shouldn't be surprised if they get an email about a drunk coming to town. You just never know.
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In the middle of the day I find myself searching the travel sites, maybe a special deal will pop up that I just can't refuse. I've looked at flights to Oklahoma (AFTER the big weekend that I'm still cheesed I missed). I've checked rates to G-Vegas, California and even Amsterdam. I've considered finding a way to get to Texas to hang with the Fat Guy. Shiners on the Brazz, sounds like fun. Each time I get a new email/text from my Key West friend I'm halfway booked before I stop myself. It would be nice to relax with friends instead of staring out at the same old back ground.
With the Bash just two months away now, I know that's all just screwed up thinking. It would be completely irresponsible for me to pause everything in the middle of the planning for a little get-a-way.
But my friends shouldn't be surprised if they get an email about a drunk coming to town. You just never know.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Where the Waffle meets Miami
It's not real easy to come up with hangover rants when you haven't seen the inside of a bar in quite a while. Crazy drunken stories just don't pop up that often when the majority of your time is spent firmly seated in front of a laptop pounding away (at the keyboard you sick fooks). The dog certainly must be happy to have a constant companion but my liver is starting to feel neglected. If I keep up this pace I won't be able to resist the temptation to plow into the monster bottles of Soco sitting in the pantry, and nothing good will come from that.
I did manage to find my way into the Blogger Skillz game on Tuesday and the Mookie last evening. The Skillz game reminded me why I love Razz cash games but would rather shotgun clorox before playing another Razz tournament. All it takes is having your made hand chased down by a chucklehead who was drawing dead to runners, your stack is decimated and on death notice. In a cash game I could just tag that fish and reload while the lemur gave it all right back.
In the Mookie I was cruising along just fine down to the final two tables. Nothing spectacular until a couple double ups and winning a race. No real big deals until Waffles immediately to my right decided that T9o was worthy of an all-in button steal. After figuring his range was pretty much any two cards I called with AQ. I wouldn't be writing about his if the hand actually stood up.
So congrats to Waffles on his usual outstanding play late in a tournament.
Checking my hand history it seems I was confused. The donkish play wasn't from Waffles, but from he who should know better MiamiDon. The two are easily confused at the poker table. If the roles were reversed in the past I'm pretty sure Don would have "virtually" taken a drunken fist to my backdoor and used me as a meat puppet. Metaphorically speaking or course.
Feel free to come out tonight to the Riverchasers game for some pure fun. Head's Up Donkament, cheap and early.
Tournament: Riverchasers Heads Up Tourney
When: Thursday, July 17th 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE Heads Up format
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers
~
Until then, please go enjoy the "bio writeups" done by Julius_Goat for the first three of the players of the November Nine. Great stuff.
Dennis Phillips
Craig Marquis
Ylon Swartz
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I did manage to find my way into the Blogger Skillz game on Tuesday and the Mookie last evening. The Skillz game reminded me why I love Razz cash games but would rather shotgun clorox before playing another Razz tournament. All it takes is having your made hand chased down by a chucklehead who was drawing dead to runners, your stack is decimated and on death notice. In a cash game I could just tag that fish and reload while the lemur gave it all right back.
In the Mookie I was cruising along just fine down to the final two tables. Nothing spectacular until a couple double ups and winning a race. No real big deals until Waffles immediately to my right decided that T9o was worthy of an all-in button steal. After figuring his range was pretty much any two cards I called with AQ. I wouldn't be writing about his if the hand actually stood up.
So congrats to Waffles on his usual outstanding play late in a tournament.
Checking my hand history it seems I was confused. The donkish play wasn't from Waffles, but from he who should know better MiamiDon. The two are easily confused at the poker table. If the roles were reversed in the past I'm pretty sure Don would have "virtually" taken a drunken fist to my backdoor and used me as a meat puppet. Metaphorically speaking or course.
Feel free to come out tonight to the Riverchasers game for some pure fun. Head's Up Donkament, cheap and early.
Tournament: Riverchasers Heads Up Tourney
When: Thursday, July 17th 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE Heads Up format
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers
~
Until then, please go enjoy the "bio writeups" done by Julius_Goat for the first three of the players of the November Nine. Great stuff.
Dennis Phillips
Craig Marquis
Ylon Swartz
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
They're saying "Boo-urns"
Good stuff last night during the Homerun Derby introductions. I didn't watch a second of the exhibition but it didn't take long for the IM windows to pop up to ask if I heard what happened. It seems there were plenty of Mets fans in attendance at Yankee Stadium who still haven't gotten over their team's 2007 epic collapse. Utley turns to Uggla and responds to the boos in a way that every Phillies fan can appreciate. Outstanding.
RSS readers can click here.
~
The "November Nine" are set and we'll see how the plan to delay the final table til November pans out. Nobody of any interest to me made the final table and they're really going to have to do some work to keep people interested. I gave props to Dr. Pauly yesterday but there are a ton who put in a boat load of hours and deserve some credit. The fine folks at PokerNews had the thankless task of covering every event (too many of them to name each), Michalski eventually decided to show up and the Pokerati crew was top notch, Otis will always be the man, WickedChops did what they do best and I can't forget the poker playing cougar Michelle Lewis.
Cheers to all, now go enjoy some down time.
~
I'm quickly realizing this whole working from home thing has certain draw backs. Sure I enjoy not rushing out of the house on my way to the corporate grind and it's much easier to walk the 5 steps from the lazy boy to the back deck for a smoke break, no big security check points between the two. Gas is certainly cheaper when all I have to worry about is the methane from too much bacon.
God damn though, I can't stop eating. All the time. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. I was hit with a craving for sweets and the poor bag of Hersey's chocolate chips took the brunt of it. The grill has run out of propane once already after piling on various forms of cow flesh. All the weight I lost on my booze/nicotine/red bull/depression diet is going to come rushing back very soon unless I get myself into a proper routine.
For now I force myself to take a long walk with the dog in the afternoon to work off some of my gorging. In the opposite direction of the pub thank you very much. I spend the majority of my working time listening to music. God bless Arena Rock on cable for my background writing music, it helps me avoid blowing my time cleaning out my DVR recordings in the first week. Not quite as high brow as what Pauly or BG would have on but it works for me. No co-workers around unless you count Zeke who's only requirement is that I play fetch with him every once in a while.
I'm sure once every thing gets settled down I'll be solid.
Now if I can just avoid my pantry which is overstocked with Oreos, chips and a fully stocked bar.
Monday, July 14, 2008
All Hail the Doctor
46 straight days the Good Doctor has made his way to the Amazon room in the Rio to report the sights and sounds from the WSoP. A few bumps and bruises plus the bird flu couldn't keep him away from his appointed position in media row. During my few days in Vegas last week I would see nothing but the top of his head as he pounded away at the keyboard.
7 days in Vegas is my max. IMy special circumstances, being a raging alcoholic, prevent me from even attempting longer stays. Hell, I was only there for a long weekend and managed to drive myself straight into the ground so damned fast that I still don't think I'm completely right in the head. Too many ways to put my body in situations that can only be countered by years of therapy and rehab. 7 days is definitely my cap.
Just trying to do 46 straight days would have me in the ground by week 2 which makes what Pauly has gone through a true marathon. At least some of Pokernews crew were given days off. Make sure you stop by his site and thank him for his efforts. Nobody else in their right mind would have been able to do it.
~
Nat Arem is back at it again and I find myself shaking my head at the masses who still insist on throwing their money on UB/AP after everything that has been proven. More shady things are coming out about Russ Hamilton and superuser accounts thanks to whistle blower posting information on a forum followed up by Nat's top notch investigating. I took a fun tongue-in-cheek shot at him earlier but that was taken the wrong way. The guy survived a night on the town with myself and Schaefer, that's enough testament for me. I have to say I'm a little disappointed no one has been able to nail down Hellmouth or Annie Duke on the subject other than Shecky's interview where Duke did nothing but goose step to the company line. Someone needs to get one of them in a room to really answer some questions.
Check out Nat's latest bit of sleuthing and decide for yourself, he's proven to be a guy that can get to the heart of things. I'm sure this isn't going away any time soon. Unless clueless poker players continue to turn a blind eye. Nothing good has come out of this since the beginning.
Since the end of the BBT challenge I've been a little busy. New job details, quitting old mind numbing jobs, drinking myself into oblivion, etc. I've been neglecting my little baby blogger/Riverchasers Thursday night game. It's time to get some juice back and go hunting lemurs, I have a few special things set up for the next few weeks.
This weeks I decided to go with a head's up format. Read that again if you plan to play because I don't want any crap from people who register and didn't pay attention. This weeks Riverchaser Thursday night game is HEADS UP. I've been told that the set up will have chip counts resetting for each new match so no more goofed up stacks going against each other.
HEADS UP, did you get that waffles?
The next few weeks I'll try to shake things up (everyone likes added money tourney's, right?) and try to shake off the post-BBT blogger blues.
See you there Thursday.
~
No quite back to my NSFW posting duties but how about the 50 hottest girls dressed as Wonder Woman? I'm pretty sure they're all safe for work but some are definitely not "hottest". Thanks to Shumpy you'll be having many more links in the future.
~
Oh shit moment of the day. RSS readers click here.
http://view.break.com/433918 - Watch more free videos
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7 days in Vegas is my max. IMy special circumstances, being a raging alcoholic, prevent me from even attempting longer stays. Hell, I was only there for a long weekend and managed to drive myself straight into the ground so damned fast that I still don't think I'm completely right in the head. Too many ways to put my body in situations that can only be countered by years of therapy and rehab. 7 days is definitely my cap.
Just trying to do 46 straight days would have me in the ground by week 2 which makes what Pauly has gone through a true marathon. At least some of Pokernews crew were given days off. Make sure you stop by his site and thank him for his efforts. Nobody else in their right mind would have been able to do it.
~
Nat Arem is back at it again and I find myself shaking my head at the masses who still insist on throwing their money on UB/AP after everything that has been proven. More shady things are coming out about Russ Hamilton and superuser accounts thanks to whistle blower posting information on a forum followed up by Nat's top notch investigating. I took a fun tongue-in-cheek shot at him earlier but that was taken the wrong way. The guy survived a night on the town with myself and Schaefer, that's enough testament for me. I have to say I'm a little disappointed no one has been able to nail down Hellmouth or Annie Duke on the subject other than Shecky's interview where Duke did nothing but goose step to the company line. Someone needs to get one of them in a room to really answer some questions.
Check out Nat's latest bit of sleuthing and decide for yourself, he's proven to be a guy that can get to the heart of things. I'm sure this isn't going away any time soon. Unless clueless poker players continue to turn a blind eye. Nothing good has come out of this since the beginning.
"I don’t know how those names are connected. But it showed that the registered address of at least some of the super user accounts belonged to Russ Hamilton, the former owner of UB.~
I basically felt sick to my stomach. I talked to Russ on the phone a few times in the fall — brsavage got me in touch with him. We talked about how disgusting it was that this happened at AP."
Since the end of the BBT challenge I've been a little busy. New job details, quitting old mind numbing jobs, drinking myself into oblivion, etc. I've been neglecting my little baby blogger/Riverchasers Thursday night game. It's time to get some juice back and go hunting lemurs, I have a few special things set up for the next few weeks.
This weeks I decided to go with a head's up format. Read that again if you plan to play because I don't want any crap from people who register and didn't pay attention. This weeks Riverchaser Thursday night game is HEADS UP. I've been told that the set up will have chip counts resetting for each new match so no more goofed up stacks going against each other.
HEADS UP, did you get that waffles?
The next few weeks I'll try to shake things up (everyone likes added money tourney's, right?) and try to shake off the post-BBT blogger blues.
See you there Thursday.
~
No quite back to my NSFW posting duties but how about the 50 hottest girls dressed as Wonder Woman? I'm pretty sure they're all safe for work but some are definitely not "hottest". Thanks to Shumpy you'll be having many more links in the future.
~
http://view.break.com/433918 - Watch more free videos
Sunday, July 13, 2008
The Blog and The Bash
I mentioned in my previous I mentioned that things might get a little weird Friday evening, unfortunately I did not have a camera to capture it all. One of the interesting quirks of my little suburbian paradise is the Colonial Theater just across the street from the pub. Back in the 50's they filmed a little B movie in town called The Blob where a bunch of screaming whackos come running out of that exact theater. They celebrated the 50th Anniversary of the movie this weekend and the freaks came out to play. Grown men and women walking around in 50's garb while children of all ages were sporting the latest in tin foil hat fashions.Luckily I was protected from the majority of them by the bouncer at the door and drinking age laws. A few of them were of legally drinking age and made it through my defense but those were mostly harmless drunks. There were screwed up Blob-themed jello shots and some odd green concoctions that I wouldn't go near.
A few new bars have opened up in the area that are starting to pull in even more hard charging drinker, my little 'burb is becoming quite the barhopping destination. It won't be long before I'm completely surrounded by drinkers with too much money and too little self control. These are my people.
Back home where I belong.
~
This is a good a time as any to throw out all the details I have for the 2008 version of the Bash. Hopefully I can have another nice crew of drunken bloggers make an appearance for golf, poker and shenanigans.
The dates are Friday, September 26th through Sunday, September 28th. Most of the events will take place in the Phoenixville, PA area. Philadelphia International is the closest, most convenient airport for the out of state travelers and I'll have transportation to/from most of the destinations. I'm also working on hotel deals so you'll want to shoot me an email if you need that info.
The Bash (not at the Boathouse)That's everything I have for now. Always looking for suggestions and improvements. I can be contacted at AlCantHang@aol.com if you have any questions or would like to get yourself on the gold and/or poker list. I'm always surprised at the vast numbers of invisible internet friends who come from long distances just to drink themselves silly in the company of like minded degens.
Saturday, September 27th
Tyler James Pub
212 Bridge St, Phoenixville PA 19460
Friday morning/afternoon - The First Annual Rooster Golf Invitational. 4 player scramble format at a local country club complete with hottie beer girls, prizes and the trophy presented by The Rooster himself. I'll definitely need an RSVP prior to that weekend but we still have some time. I can also help arrange teams for anyone coming in on their own.
Friday evening - The 2008 BoyGenius Poker Classic. Even though it seems the BoyGenius himself will be unable to attend we will continue the tradition by throwing a no-holds-barred charity rebuy tournament the Friday before The Bash. Expect large amounts of booze and fantastic food. You will need to contact me personally to get in on this game.
Saturday afternoon - Saturday afternoon mixed cash games became the tradition once bloggers began descending on my little shindig. NLHE, Stud, HORSE or Chinese poker games will be rolling all afternoon while we wait for the bar to get set up and the band rolls out their best sound checks.
Saturday evening - The Bash (not at the Boathouse). The Bash has received enough exposure from anyone who's made the trip. Too much booze. Too much degenerate irresponsible behavior to fit in this tiny corner of the internet. Bloggers will fall down, they will make fools of themselves, they will most definitely forget large chunks of the evening. It's a great way to hang out with old friends, new friends and have fun all in the name of charity.
Crystal Roxx is the band booked this year, the very same band who gave me the AlCantHang nickname over a decade ago. Here's your one chance to hear the ACHE song live and in person.
Sunday afternoon - For anyone still alive and not puking in an airport bathroom, Sunday is my birthday so I'll be back sitting at the pub watching the NFL Sunday ticket while sweating out every ounce of booze from the night before. I may have to start taking prop bets on who will still be breathing by Sunday morning.
Cheers, and start making those travel plans.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Bonus Code "Iggy"!
Congrats and good luck to the wee man Blogfather who is in the money and cruising along in his first ever appearance in the WSoP Main Event heading into Day 4. Methinks his last 4 years of hard fought anonymity might be going right out the window. I couldn't be happier for the little guy who's done so much for the poker bloggers. I imagine he'll have quite a railbird section later today as his friends in the media will be anxious to see our friend do something special.
Cheers Mr. Swayze.
Check out Dr. Pauly and the PokerNews crew for updates.
~
My other friends seem to be having a blast in Okie-Vegas. I had every intention of making the trek but I have too much on my plate preparing to start the new gig on Monday. Right about now I could use that relaxing time sitting next to the Okie-lake, chugging Keystone Lights (has to be a step up from Miller Lite, right?) and cruising around on the wave runners. They are obviously having a good time because I received the following cryptic message from Sean after 4 this morning.
~
Not that I could have survived another night in Vegas but there was a reason I needed to get back home. A small going away party was planned for Wednesday, we were going to use drinking as a way to celebrate one of us hitting the eject button from the corporate cockpit. There was little chance it would end anywhere near the sober zone and there was a potential for bad shenanigans considering the large number of upper management on the invite list. Luckily it was only old work friends who showed up. Not a single person from management or any of my new found Human Resources readers felt like taking the chance to interact with the underlings. I drank with impunity and subtlety was not a weapon in my arsenal. There might have been a thing or two to talk about.
I'm pretty certain I didn't completely embarrass myself but we definitely knocked back more than our share. There's no way to accurately calculate the exact amount consumed because shots where coming at me from all directions, the only thing saving me from complete annihilation was lunch sometime in the late afternoon. It's always a blast getting together with the guys I've known for so long and get plain ol' silly. Just about the only thing I'll miss by not working with them anymore.
The drinking tour continues this evening with a party that I won't even begin to describe, I'll wait until I have photographic evidence to pass along. It will involve idiots, amateurs and costumes.
~
Dr. Pauly also took time out of his busy schedule to put together the July issue of Truckin'. Enjoy.
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Cheers Mr. Swayze.
Check out Dr. Pauly and the PokerNews crew for updates.
~
My other friends seem to be having a blast in Okie-Vegas. I had every intention of making the trek but I have too much on my plate preparing to start the new gig on Monday. Right about now I could use that relaxing time sitting next to the Okie-lake, chugging Keystone Lights (has to be a step up from Miller Lite, right?) and cruising around on the wave runners. They are obviously having a good time because I received the following cryptic message from Sean after 4 this morning.
For the record i win the last longer amd (sic) i fell off a golf cartI have no clue what that means but it sounds like fun.
~
Not that I could have survived another night in Vegas but there was a reason I needed to get back home. A small going away party was planned for Wednesday, we were going to use drinking as a way to celebrate one of us hitting the eject button from the corporate cockpit. There was little chance it would end anywhere near the sober zone and there was a potential for bad shenanigans considering the large number of upper management on the invite list. Luckily it was only old work friends who showed up. Not a single person from management or any of my new found Human Resources readers felt like taking the chance to interact with the underlings. I drank with impunity and subtlety was not a weapon in my arsenal. There might have been a thing or two to talk about.
I'm pretty certain I didn't completely embarrass myself but we definitely knocked back more than our share. There's no way to accurately calculate the exact amount consumed because shots where coming at me from all directions, the only thing saving me from complete annihilation was lunch sometime in the late afternoon. It's always a blast getting together with the guys I've known for so long and get plain ol' silly. Just about the only thing I'll miss by not working with them anymore.
The drinking tour continues this evening with a party that I won't even begin to describe, I'll wait until I have photographic evidence to pass along. It will involve idiots, amateurs and costumes.
~
Dr. Pauly also took time out of his busy schedule to put together the July issue of Truckin'. Enjoy.
1. Berlin by Paul McGuire
It was in a hotel suite, not some dingy hot sheets motor inn near the airport. Anyway, my entire point was that at least I had the courtesy to keep my hooker alive, not like Uncle Teddy.... More
2. One Night Out Part II: Hunter-Hunter by Sigge S. Amdal
The night sky loomed with pregnant darkness, while a million brilliant lights in white, blue and orange from the city below fought the epic battle as hard as they could. Sirens, shouting, gunshots and helicopters; everything was muffled by the distance... More
3. Of Lattes and Stuffed Monkeys By John 'Falstaff' Hartness
I abandoned the carnage of my room, leaving an apocalypse of shattered glass and plastic on the sidewalk and the oak outside my window garlanded with t-shirts and sweaters. Five hours later I pulled up in front of my parents' house without ever really noticing how fast I was going or really having a plan as to where I was headed... More
4. All Those Things That Don't Change, Come What May by Johnny Hughes
Jake inherited the Magic House when his drinking Uncle tried to empty a rabbit out of a long irrigation pipe and the pipe hit a high-line wire. The 1940s furniture clashed with Jake's beatnik, coffee-house conversational monologues sanctioned only by the weekend wannabe artists, singers, writers, and actors from the college that came to his regular parties, called Jake Parties... More
5. Don't You Know What I'm Thinking? by May B. Yesno
You know, education is a funny thing. Too much of it in any one area makes you dumber. That's probably a bad way to look at it. Lets say, a very good foundation in a subject is a good thing, but as you continue to study it, it takes more and more effort to obtain less and less knowledge from it.... More
6. Cold by Kajagugu
When we crossed the border we had to avoid detection and make it quickly to our destination. We had decoy units who crossed the border with us and then led the UN peacekeeping soldiers on a wild goose chase. With these fools out of the way we moved swiftly and silently... More
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Walk of Shame Part XVII
"You were really fired up last night."I had to correct Mr. Bartender, it was two evenings before when I found myself at the polar opposite end of stone cold sober. When I first sat down I had no idea how the night was going to end but things are rarely sane on my first night in Vegas.
Bartender - Hooker bar
Things started off innocently enough with a small gathering of old timers and newer bloggers. The booze started with a trickle but quickly built up steam as I sat at the hooker bar with Iggy, Otis and MiamiDon (I'll take a booze session with these guys over a random night at the tables any time).
At one point I remember having several rocks glasses filled to the brim queued up waiting to be the next in line for my destruction. No one was slowing down and we kept trying to get Iggy away from the bar, to go somewhere calming. He would be sitting down to play in the Main Event in just a few short hours but the draw of booze and conversation was too great for the wee man.
Pop the clutch and fast forward to where things got a little fuzzy. I have no idea when it happened but the infamous Hammer-creating Grubby made an appearance and my eventual path was set. Things were no longer subtle. High brow respectable conversations turned into hooker prop bets where Grubby and Don took turns confirming whether individual females were in fact Pros or Joes. Amazingly no face slapping was involved with either gentlmen.
My next memory is walking around the Rio with Don and finding the most amazing cab lines. Vegas tip #2763, don't try to catch a cab shortly after the world's biggest poker tournament breaks for the evening. The best available option was to catch a ride with Grubby and his stripper loving friend. Who would actually believe that I had never once seen the inside of a Vegas strip club? I decided to overlook the fact that I hadn't slept properly in 36 hours.
Rumor has it that we went to two clubs that night. All I remember from the first one was an empty room, the tallest damned stripper pole in the world and almost being drowned in silicon, saline or whatever the hell they use to augment these days. Nothing worth mentioning at all. It was Cheetah's that I remember.
For some reason I had it in my head that I must be a fiscally responsible human now that I am not sucking on the corporate teat. But things like responsibility and moderation have never really stuck with me so I forced myself to play within my limits. At Cheetah's I graduated to nothing but Red Bulls and Marlboros to straighten my head out. The rest of my bankroll was spent on some lovely lass whose tweaked out head seemed to believe every line thrown at her by myself and Grub.
"My name is Al. Al Timeter. I'm a test pilot."
MiamiDon instantly went MIA. I saw him for the first 5 minutes at Cheetah's and then he was gone. I had one quick glimpse of him a few hours into the festivies as he made a mad dash between the VIP room and the ATM. I imagine there was some serious negotiating involved, perhaps Don has a future in the United Nations.
Before long I found myself sitting in a comfy chair, Grubby's friend was sound asleep next to me and I was just about as broke as Waffles on a blackjack bender. I was starting to sober up with the realization that if I heard one more club thumping dance remix my head was going to explode. I'm not sure if my worst decisions in life are done under the influence of booze or cocaine in a can.
So I made the choice which will follow me for the rest of my days. Walk home or wait for Grubby to exit the backroom. I had no idea where we were, not a clue how to get back to the hotel and thought for sure I would get shanked the second I walked out the door. No knifing occurred because I was met by god's flashlight, the damn sun was shining bright because it was 6:30 in the AM.
I picked any landmark I could see and started walking. Mapquest tells me today that it was a 4 mile trek through the desert reeking of booze and stripper dust. I kept my head down to avoid eye contact with the few drivers on the back roads. The only other person I saw on the street was a homeless guy relaxing beneath an overpass. I felt a small ping of jealousy because he looked so comfortable.
By the time I reached Palace Station my old broken knees were popping. When I could see the double towers of the Wynn my abused heart was about to explode from the effort (and nothing whatsoever to do with Red Bulls). I swear the security guard at Treasure Island was on the radio with his cohorts laughing about the fat hairy hippy stumbling up the strip with the 1000 yard stare. The Japanese tourists were too frightened to snap pictures with Sasquatch. And who the hell is walking the strip at 7am besides morons like myself, skank ass hookers after their "shift" and broke fuckers who just dropped their last red bird at the Casino Royale craps table?
Consider this a public service announcement. When heading out for an
My ultimate walk of shame finally ended when my hotel key card actually worked for once. I fell into bed mumbling something to Riggstad about being broke AND broken. It turned out to be yet another in a long line of Vegas Day Ones that end with me mumbling, stumbling and doing something idiotic that I'll never forget.
The parts that I can remember at least.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
I'm out
Nuclear Cool via ScubaSteve
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
While I was gone
"You can't be king of the world if you're a slave to the grind."The original quote I was going to use at the beginning of the last post announcing my big move but everyone would think I'm the biggest hammerhead in the world if I went through my life using random Sebastian Bach lines to guide my life. The daily grind of coming into an office designed for maximum depression is quickly coming to an end. I've spent the week settling my corporate affairs as I prepare to start a life meant for a degenerates.
Skid Row - Slave to the Grind
It's been a long time since I've really put anything down on the site about what's going on around me and some of the shit I've been through. Contrary to popular impression, I did not spend the last two months sitting in the corner of my room assuming the fetal position. There were just certain things that needed to stay local for a while.
Here are just some of the things that popped up in my world while I was trying to fight my way out of the rat maze.
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In the post where I made my announcement there was a throw away line about not missing any stripper parties in Key West. I wasn't blowing smoke.
In May I received notice that my friend Nikki was having a big birthday bash at Cowboy Bills and could I please make it down. I had to politely decline then spent the next week slamming my head against the wall wondering why I didn't make this job move two weeks earlier.
Instead I at the pub all evening getting dial-a-shot calls from women in various states of dress. I know this because they were calling me while standing in front of the webcam at Cowboy Bills. (and next to the very same bull that nearly destroyed poor Drizz and his manhood). It was pure torture not being there and something I will not repeat. The next time I get a call telling me there would be strippers out of their confines, wondering in public, barely clothed and chasing down a bar lined with shot glasses from one end to the other, you damn well better believe I'll be on the next plane out of whatever shit town I happen to be inhabiting.
Drunk strippers > Social Responsibility
For the record, Dr. Pauly's writeup from the Key West trip is one of my all time favorites. It also makes me seem a lot more insane than I really am. That writeup turned into an article in Bluff Magazine. Me ma is so proud.
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I made the decision to expand my horizons a bit this spring. I actually went to the psuedo-hippyfest otherwise known as a Dave Matthews concert. My mistake. It rained all afternoon on the dirty smelly fake frat boy wannabe hippies who were picking fights with other tailgaters playing beer pong with fancy tubs of margaritas. The only upside to the rain was catching the impromptu wet t-shirt show with the sorority girls in our lot. The rest of my time was spent observing behavior that wouldn't be acceptable at an Eagles tailgate party. Savages.
I'm actually proud that I made it through 4 songs of the show. There were fights all over the place, one looped up chick spewing than passing out and 4 meat heads pissing uphill from my spot on the lawn. That sure as shit got my ass in gear looking for the nearest bar but $15 watered down shots and running into my ex-girlfriend ended my night. Decided it would be better to hang out by myself in the war torn parking lot chugging near beer and watch the guys checking for unlocked car doors.
I put up with all of this just to chase a little tail. A girl who decided to tell me that very day she was bringing along her new boyfriend. Lemons all around.
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I found a new friend, lost a new friend, despise a new friend. I sometimes can fit an entire life in a few months. Wish I could say I learned my lesson but I know I didn't.
Next! The Bank of Al is open.
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If there was a World Series of Minesweeper I would be king. I've had nothing but time on my hands kids.
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Sometime Thursday afternoon I will walk into my managers office with my arms stacked full of company swag. I'll put everything down, shake his hand and move onto the next step in my life. That first step means going straight to the Boathouse for lubrication while waiting for Riggs to gather up my drunk ass and head off to that shiny jewel in the desert.
Today it's corporate America. Tomorrow, Vegas and beyond.
